More about Phoenix

My first ever post covered a bit about my problems, but doesn't really talk about me. I'm not even sure if anyone's reading this blog, it doesn't really matter either way, however in case anyone stumbles upon LWA they might want to know a bit more about the author.

I'm Phoenix, I'm a 25 year old female, I live with my boyfriend in a "nice" little town north of London. I suffer from a form of mental illness, not entirely sure what. But that's not what this post is about, there'll be plenty of time for that later! I did have a photo posted here, but as I'm settling into writing I've decided for now I'd rather not put a picture up. I'm not very good at staying hidden on the internet and a little anonymity can't be a bad thing. I will try and post a picture of me sometime, that doesn't actually show me....if that makes sense in the slightest.
 When I say "nice" about my little town, I of course mean that this town is as dull as shit! I would much prefer to live in a bigger town/city somewhere, with a wide variety of shops and a good night-life. But this is where I grew up and since returning here after plenty of time away it seems to be where I'm settling.

 I hold down a good job, based in the next town over. I work with people in a government-type job; my caseload is varied and interesting, but it's a high-stress job and one of those that is known for having problems with long-term sickness. When I first joined 2 years ago I had to have pre-employment occupational health checks and an interview with HR, who tried to warn me off the job thinking I wouldn't be able to cope with the stress because of my history of mental illness. They were wrong; very, very wrong and I have delighted in proving that to them. I am bloody good at my job. I have to be, not only to prove it to my employers, but to myself so I can tell myself I'm not a failure. I'm fairly confident that if I didn't work, I would not survive.

I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend, who I shall refer to as The Boy (unimaginative I know, but it's simple and easy). We've been together for 2 and a half years, although we first dated (first loves!) back when we were 17yrs old. I screwed it up badly the first time but was fortunate enough that we gave it a second chance when I moved back to the area in summer 2007. We've lived together in our own house for just over a year. He's not a mental and doesn't really have any understanding of being a mental. He doesn't try to either, but he is patient, loving and forgiving and that's far more important than understanding but not caring!

My parents live "just around the corner" - it's in fact several corners, but it's walking distance if I'm not feeling lazy (which I usually am) and they're a constant provider of support, adult conversation and food (for when I'm poor or too lazy to cook!). My only brother, younger by 2 years, also lives with them. We're not close as such but I can absolutely depend on him if need be and am very protective of him. I never used to see it, but I now consider myself very lucky to have my family.

In terms of what makes me tick; I'm not really sure! I go through phases.
In the here-and-now, I like:

• A rather unusual, aggressive team-sport. I won't say exactly what as it'd be taking a step away from anonymity, but I've thrown myself into this sport and am obsessed! This is a positive thing and I'm hoping it's going to be part of what keeps me on the path to recovery. I'm sure there'll be plenty more about it in future musings.
  
• Cooking and baking, not particularly proficiently but well enough that I can make healthy meals and follow recipes to make tasty treats!
• Growing vegetables; I have a patch at the end of my garden and in my first year had some very good potatoes. I'm looking forward to next year!
  
• Reading - anything goes really, but I do love a good sci-crime novel (such as Kathy Reichs)
• Internetting, although it's a habit I want to break.
  
• Driving and all things about fast cars; I'm a petrol-head but my finances are very limited so I rely on a series of cheap bangers that I drive until they die!
• Tattoos - proper artworks, not the sort of things you pick out of a book on a whim. I have a few and I have many more planned but my budget prevents it and my partner/parents hate them.
  
• Shoes and handbags - In my girly moments at least. I actually love fashion, but I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember and hate clothes. So accessories are my friends until I become thin!
  
• Sewing, although have never spent enough time to get into it I'd love one day to learn to sew properly so I can make curtains, cushions etc. My mum is good at that, so one day I'll steal her knowledge! I think it's a huge shame people aren't taught these skills as they grow up, like it used to be done.

Music and gigs used to be a huge passion of mine. But that's a long story and one I don't want to start now! I don't really get to go to gigs any more and the only music I listen to is that which I already know (from those years when I loved it). I'm living in the past! I used to be really into my photography too, I was half decent, but it took up a lot of time and I simply couldn't afford the equipment.....I lost motivation and interest and sold my kit a few years back.

So that's about it. That's the positive stuff in my life. It's good to see it written down and acknowledged as I sometimes forget that I am a diverse and possibly interesting person underneath all the crap. The greyness tends to take over.  That'll do for now, I'm sure these things will all pop up in my blog from time to time but the main focus is on my mental health and hopefully recovery.