I don't need fixing.

Screw this. I've just written out 5 paragraphs of text, all of which I've just over-written. I can't be bothered to explain. Mainly because I can't even begin to understand what's going on with me/everyone else at the moment.

The people I love & trust are letting me down.  One because they won't talk to me, the other because they want to fix me. Both because they believe I'm broken and that everything that's going on is my fault.  Or at least that's how I see it.

The people in my life who I can talk to about this are male and are far away. And all of whom I've previously been involved with sexually, so probably aren't the best points of reference. No matter how much I trust them. It's just another notch in my screwed up life-story of a bed post.

Up until very recently my previous coping mechanisms were becoming a thing of the past. In fact this morning I was considering writing a blog post on how I thought I was moving past self-harm and it's hold over me was diminishing. Now all I can think about is how good that blade would feel and how much I hate myself for finishing the Krispy Kreme's I was supposed to be sharing with my boyfriend.

Dammit all.